Welcome To The Self

Taking time to press pause on the everyday complications of life, an author reflects on, and finds solace in, what they refer to as the “in between“…

by: Derek Nast

My dearest Derek, I see that you have made it this far when at one point you were convinced that life beyond thirty could not exist. Though here you are, still breathing, still full of hope. It is understandable how a feeling of defeat comes with the territory of struggle. Everything past, present, and future is a surrender of shared experience. Do you recall our last visit? Nor can I. Regardless, our visits are without expiration, you’re arrival stemming from a place of uncertainty. A stated fact.

I would like to share something with you given that I am slightly more experienced in this regard. You will come to discover how reservations, doubt, and fears will stifle the potential and ability to love, so easily thrown to the back burner. It is no secret how you have become jaded through your own doing and that of others, in turn shifting your perspective for the worst. On many occasions this results in great degrees of resentment. Granted, resentment is most damaging to those who harbor it, either by some external channel or inner conflict. As witness to this on countless occasions I can only offer my perception, a unique one if you will.

While clusters of others weave, leap, spiral, and stomp through one existence to another, a timeline of past, present, and future is lost sight of in the eyes of the masses while the draining effects of resentment linger on. From the minuscule to the multitude of a typically passive-aggressive approach also known as silent retribution. I, a mere outside entity which lacks the capacity to receive or project resentment. The destructive path of resentment stretches far and wide as grudges evolve and bonds are broken. As alarming as this sounds I still desire to experience this, although unable too. To rise above a poisonous cycle of catastrophic thinking, lamenting, misplaced intent, and selfish emotion lies the task of unraveling a blinding web of uncertainty. I take with me a means of insight, faith, drive, and love as my weapons of choice. In instances of confusion or doubt, I remain still, generating distance from all that I’ve convinced myself to be true. Strive to remain humble before the present moment, here is where you shall find me once more. “Warning!” As I do not exist without your permission. The ability to access the factual by way of observation relies upon the characteristics of trust, humility, and acceptance.

In every instance and somehow everywhere, it is you Derek who determines what aspects of life are worthy of investment and those to discard. My sole purpose as a proprietor for this in-between is to provide a space where the pressure to choose is not absolute, it is but a gift. Give honor to the allowance of reflection. Instinct has no place here, there will be ample opportunity to act un-accordingly. In light of the outcomes fueled by impulse what percentage in execution is based upon control? Alongside progression, answers will appear, coming into focus through a process of trial and error. When your entire being is accompanied by the sound of guidance shouting out from behind the curtain like the great and powerful Oz! There is only but one true requirement here, to be receptive of the senses coupled with necessary self-talk. For as long as you remain here there is no need to rush toward a resolution. Simply take pleasure in the ability to choose. Time constraints have no legitimacy in such a realm. An acceptance of what is and what is not has significant bearing when chosen wisely. It is true, how I long to be called upon. Still, I gain satisfaction through the knowledge of what will occur next as a result of our encounters. When venturing back to the ways of the world I bid you farewell, all the while holding tightly to hope, witness to the breathtaking beauty of a flawed humanity.