Neat Tips

by: Jeremy Hager

A welcome guest piece from a close friend of us here at Across the Margin. The insightful, incomparable, and oft charmingly incorrigible Jeremy Hager helps us better navigate through this thing we call life with his sagacious brand of ‘neat tips’….

Neat tip:

Although exciting, vacation planning can be stressful. When planning a “get together” be sure to include time for rest and relaxation. For a neat experience, include “loved ones” when planning a fiesta. Inclusion is the key to a low-stress, exciting vacation.

Neat tip:

Just say no! When considering that third plate of food at the Chinese buffet, opt for a tummy soothing beverage instead. Green tea with a hint of lemon is not only a fine desert, but coupled with a hot towel, can feel revitalizing and cleansing. Remember, just because there is more food available does not require you to eat it all.

Neat tip:

Breakfast may or may not be the most important meal of the day. Recent studies have shown “important things” are 87% more likely to happen over dinner than over breakfast. Avoid planning your next business meeting over food traditionally served in the morning. Choose a neat new restaurant with quiet décor to impress the new client.

Neat tip:

“Is it too hot to hug?” Warm temperatures this summer have reduced the amount of hugging between the hours of 12-8 PM. When temps rise to 90+, try incorporating neat handshakes or the obligatory “high-five.” Reserve hugging or more intimate encounters to air conditioned spaces. Lacking air conditioning? Refer to Spike Lee’s “Do the Right Thing” for creative uses with ice cubes.

Neat tip:

“Fight your fear.” It is not necessary to be brave every day. In fact, there is bravery in admitting your fears. If uncomfortable in certain social or business situations, admit it to a close friend or co-worker. Chances are your confidant feels the same way you do. He who does not fear, draws with red crayon on white walls.

Neat tip:

The business world is a competitive environment. Enhance your image by always dressing for success. In industries where casual attire is accepted – raise the standard by wearing semi-formal to formal clothing. Remember, you have plenty of time to be “casual” at home. In addition, never fear the “stepping-on-toes” aspect of business. Remember, those co-workers who snicker at your formal appearance… and be sure to fire their asses when you become their boss.

Neat tip:

Are you scared of the rain? I have made it a point to have the rain be scared of me. Below you will find ways to ignore the Doppler Radar and continue through life prepared for ensuing storms.

  1. Never cancel plans on account of the weather.
  2. If you work outside, make a point of “grinding” in the rain every opportunity you can.
  3. When others are slowing their vehicles in poor conditions, honk your horn as you whiz by them at 70 MPH.
  4. Refuse umbrellas. Make the umbrella vendors uncomfortable by buying all their umbrellas and them throwing them under the first bus that drives by.
  5. Singing and dancing in the rain is plum crazy. More extreme activities such as street fighting are more appropriate in inclement weather.
  6. While your neighbors are reading the Sunday paper in their cozy living rooms, read yours in a lawn chair in the front yard when it is raining.
  7. Don’t reserve gardening for the spring and summer. Plant a tree or flowers in the snow and watch your neighbor’s reaction.
  8. Emergency ponchos are for children. Emergency bathing suits are a more adult survival tool.
  9. Never blame it on the rain.
  10. Listen to Eddie Rabbit’s country hit “I love a rainy night” for inspiration if this neat tip has not lit a fire.

Neat tip:

Lacking inspiration? Inspiration is a function of simplicity. Focus your energy into one small facet of your life for 5 minutes a day. Installing and caring for a house plant is often quenching for one’s thirsty soul. Make a point to spend a few minutes with your plant every day to admire the growth and characteristics of the foliage, flowers, buds, and fruit. Although not a panacea, gardening may become more than a hobby for those needing a little polish on their soul.

Neat tip:

Feeling bored? I was extremely bored two weeks ago but much too tired to move. As I flipped though the stations I found the last 30 minutes of Rudy playing. What I discovered was that… full-on crying is a great way to kill boredom. Next time you have a spare 30-minutes, watch the endings of your favorite “cry movies.” Listed below are my top-ten favorites:

  1. Rudy
  2. Home Alone
  3. ET
  4. Powder
  5. Radio
  6. Rudy
  7. Brian’s Song
  8. Rudy
  9. The Natural
  10. Uncle Buck

Neat tip:

Having “butterflies” is a normal part of life. Whether it be a public speaking engagement or an exciting event with friends, that funny feeling in your stomach is a sign of neat things to come. Be sure to pack the night before, secure all business related issues, clean the house, buy the gifts, clean the car, drop the dog off, get a haircut, shop for a new clothes to wear, clip your fingernails, clip your nose hair, take a healthy poop, pack your toothbrush, bring soap, get the mail, pay the bills, lock the house, call your friends, and trade funny text messages to make the wait bearable.

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