The Problem with Goodbyes

by: Heather Fawn

Coming to terms with goodbyes, in a world that often rips and tears relentlessly…..

You know I am broken,

Like he said

But I can be broken without breaking,

I can give without taking,

I can handle the expectation

That I should live with magnanimity.

 

We are fragile creatures,

Humans,

We fall when pushed,

Like china – we break when we hit the ground

It’s not our fault,

Though we could be a little kinder.

 

It doesn’t matter what game we’re playing

If we remember how it feels to fall

I am fascinated by people

Who believe that they

Think,

Feel,

See,

Taste

Things so much more intensely

Then disregard,

Then dismember.

 

I think you mistake the revelation

Of vulnerability

As a reason to fold, and

I can’t hate you,

I can’t blame you,

If that’s your sickness.

 

I think I almost pity you –

Your demons are so persistent

That you never have a chance to breathe

Maybe what I had to offer wasn’t right,

But maybe the problem is

You have no earthly idea who I am,

Warmed in the interim by the heat I give off.

 

I cannot beat a ghost

I cannot fight something that isn’t there,

Isn’t real

But I swear that I saw you,

When you forgot to pretend –

You really are something.

 

Yet your sin,

Your self-loathing

Covers you completely

I will never be able to get a good look at you –

What a miserable shame.

 

For if you could be,

If you could be,

If you could be

The angel that you are,

Then I might believe in a just world,

A world that doesn’t rip and tear so relentlessly.

 

I feel that I am the one, dear,

Who should apologize –

Your self-denial,

Your self-loathing must be so profound

For things to have become

What they are now.

 

The problem with goodbyes

Is that they always sound the same

When my screams become whispers,

Then my whispers become thoughts

Never worth mentioning

To yet another disappearing silhouette.

 

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