Point – Counterpoint: Marvel’s Civil War

by: Louis Montaug and Shiloh Watley

In this installment of ATM’s Point – Counterpoint the gloves come off as the Marvel Comic Universe goes head to head against Fox…

marvelfox

Point (Marvel): Well, where to begin? Shall we take a look at Rotten Tomatoes? It’s been quite a summer.

Counterpoint (Fox): Wow, gloves are off I see. Yeah, okay, let’s take a look at Rotten Tomatoes. Let’s look at box office numbers and see how Deadpool stands head and shoulders above anything and everything the MCU has ever produced.

Marvel: Deadpool! Your golden-boy savior. No, seriously, Deadpool should be commended for bringing the X-Verse out of complete obscurity. Now if only you could figure out what to do with the Fantastic Four. Last I checked Marvel’s first family was bleeding out like a stuck pig.

Fox: What Fantastic Four? Marvel’s first family? What are you talking about? The Fantastic Four isn’t a Marvel property. It—oh wait, that’s right. Marvel completely washed away Fantastic Four, and the X-Men, from many of its comics lines. They even erased those characters from the iconic Secret Wars cover art! Such petty jealousy. “Whah! Lost profits. Let’s be childish and try to make the world forget that they ever existed.” Do you even think about your own fans, or has Daddy Mouse got you seeing everything in dollar signs like they do with that other franchise George Lucas sold away from us?

Marvel:  You know, if you’d just cool off a minute and think like a professional, you might find you’re better at managing business relationships. I’m convinced this is why the continuity of your movies is so screwy, and why you had to resort to time travel.

Fox: What is that supposed to mean?

Marvel: Well, for example, in one X-Men movie you’ve got the guy who played Mac from Predator playing Bolivar Trask, but then in another movie the guy playing Trask is Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thr—“

Fox: No, I mean what does “better at managing business relationships” mean?

Marvel: Oh, you mean I need to come right out and say it? (coughs) Well, this is awkward. You did see Tom Holland’s Spider-Man in Captain America: Civil War, right?

Fox: And?

Marvel: And? Oh boy, you’re really not following me, are you?

Fox: Just say it!

Marvel: Let’s just say that Sony was willing to play nice, and that’s how mutually profitable business relationships are born.

Fox: You’re the ones who fought dirty. And you’re so goddamn smug about everything. You were nearly bankrupt in the ‘90s. We saved you and your precious characters from going away forever. We facilitated a new golden age of the superhero movie franchise, and you owe us everything. It was Sony that followed our example with the original Spider-Man.

Marvel: Well, technically it was Blade that kicked off—“

Fox: No one cares about Blade!

Marvel: Look, we’re still willing to come to the table. Both parties will profit, that is most certainly assured. We just have one condition.

Fox: And what might that be?

Marvel: Total creative control.

Fox: You’re out of your mind.

Marvel: You know we’ll do your characters justice. They are, after all, our characters.

Fox: I’d sooner see the studio go belly up than hand these characters back over to you.

Marvel: That may happen sooner than you think. Don’t forget: Hugh Jackman’s got one last berserker rage in him before he hangs up the claws. And I believe J-Law, Fassbender, and McAvoy have all fulfilled their contracts. Do any of the cast of the re-booted X-Men have the star power to fill movie theater seats?

Fox: No one knew who Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, or Tom Holland was before either. We’ll do just fine. And we’ve still got Deadpool, an R-rated character no less.

Marvel: You’re rather stubborn, aren’t you?

Fox: And you have no respect for those who’ve come before, who paved the way for cash cow studios such as yourself to pump these movies out like they were coming off an assembly line. And anyway, one only needs to read Joss Whedon’s tweets to know what “creative control” means over at Disney.

Marvel: Because letting your directors have carte blanche worked out so well for you with Josh Trank and the embarrassment that is The Fantastic Four?

Fox: See, that’s what I mean. You see the way you carry yourself? That’s why I could never do business with you.  So goddamned imperious.

Marvel: Suit yourself.

Fox: . . . .

Marvel: . . . .

Fox: . . . .

Marvel: . . . .

Fox: And our Quicksilver is cooler.

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