From “The Encyclopedia of Love Spells,” Volume A

by: Anne Lindley1

A page ripped from “The Encyclopedia of Love Spells,” that reveals the secret to moving on…

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Anti-love Spells, Section Four: To Make Yourself Fall Out of Love

Unwrap a piece of Bazooka bubble gum. Carve as many X’s in the surface of the gum as you can with your fingernail, as long as it is an odd number. Chew the gum until it has no flavor. It doesn’t matter what you do with the used gum.

Set up a Pandora station with the person’s favorite bands. Let the station play while you take your morning vitamins. Listen to one song for each pill. Click “thumbs down” for each song.

Find a street in your town that rhymes with the person’s name: e.g., Bonn St. for John, or Ferry St. for Mary. Walk a dog to that street (it need not be your dog) and have him pee on the grass at the base of the street sign. If you can’t get a dog, you can pee on the grass yourself. Be careful not to attract the attention of authorities. It should go without saying that the magic will dissipate if you call your love object from jail.

Enter your love-object’s kitchen surreptitiously. Find the box of teabags. Take out one teabag. Lick both sides. Put it back in the box. When the person dunks that tea bag in boiling water, you will be free.

Choose a heart-shaped potato at the store. Slice it in half. Insert a wheat penny in the center and tie the halves together with red yarn. Bury the potato behind your house, out of sight of any east-facing windows, on the longest day of the year.

Move away.

 

Anne Lindley Killheffer a librarian, writer and lyricist living in Connecticut. Her short fiction has been published in the Sunday magazine of the Hartford Courant, Five Stop Stories, and Prime Number.

  1. Header art by the incredibly talented Elena Amen. []

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